where did you go???

Dear Diary, 

It’s been a long time. Well, for me at least. Honestly, I have just been overwhelmed lately. By a lot. Maybe it is because I’m starting my second semester or perhaps just because I am trying to grow as an individual. 

~


I keep finding myself “spiraling,” is that what it’s called? At least that’s what my teachers called it in high school. Whenever this happens, I try to “come back to reality.” By this, I mean I try and ground myself. Focus on the now. I’m not the best at this. Not yet. But it’s a work in progress. It’s been a work in progress for a little over a year now. 

Whenever I get anxious, I try and relax my shoulders and take deep breaths. I try to focus on one thing in front of me and organize my thoughts. What’s important? What’s going to matter in a year? Is it my issue? Does it involve me? Am I overthinking the situation? Give it a minute and come back. 

Coming into this semester, I decided to focus on truly enjoying myself. I am determined to try and be myself while also taking care of my mind and body. I have always been someone who constantly thinks everyone around me secretly hates me or thinks I’m annoying. I am not being overdramatic when I say this. So, I have been working on this aspect of myself. Rewiring these thoughts with if they don’t appreciate the space I take up, maybe this is not worth my time and you do not have to change yourself for others. Trying to rearrange these ideas has somewhat caused me to experience an identity crisis: a state of confusion arising from an inability to reconcile conflicting aspects of one’s personality. Am I truly being myself? Am I accepting every attribute of my being? If I bring up the fact I have been feeling anxious will people care to even listen? 


Sitting here in my dorm, at this exact moment, I am thinking about how I am not the person I was last year. This? Thoughts like this are what have me questioning my character and person. But then, I remember I am not the person I was last semester. I am not the person I was last month or two years ago.

Change is good. Change is good when you are growing. Change is good when you are finding your character and happiness. 

Well, this is what has been on my mind recently. Just working on myself and trying to flourish into the person I know I am meant to be. 

Here is a reminder that everything is going to be okay. You are exactly where you need to be. Take a deep breath. You matter. 

Hope you enjoyed this little something. I’ll write you real soon. I promise. 


Sincerely, 

Anna ♡

Definition of "identity crisis:" 

https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095956676;jsessionid=52DB751F2AF1E9AB2538E32A4365749E

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