teenage dirtbag

I never had a “teenage dirtbag” phase. 

I have never related to Joan Jett’s “bad reputation.”

I never snuck out,

even though I have the perfect window next to my bed to do so. 

I spent my high school years doing the complete opposite. 

My Fridays consisted of studying, writing, and watching tv. 

I obsessed over school to the point where it broke me.

I was determined to be picture perfect. 

A picture perfect perfectionist. 

I used to be afraid of discussing these emotions. 

I bottled them up until my cup fell over and the glass shattered. 

I lost friends and broke relationships with others. 

My athletic performances broadcasted how I was feeling inside. 

I used to run to feel free, but when my mind was screaming for help, 

I was practically running away from the truth. 

After a while of feeling this way, I finally decided to flip the switch and reach out to others for help. 

Sometimes when you are sinking, you have to kick the water back and swim. 

This began my journey of self-discovery. 

This began my journey of bettering my person- not for others but for truly myself.

This began my journey of positive self talk and independence. 

I received a note a few months ago from someone saying that they are grateful that I have spoken up about mental health and anxiety. 

They told me that I have helped them in many ways.

Even though I never had a “teenage dirtbag” phase, my teenage years taught me that working to help and please others is toxic when you can not even please yourself.