Dear Diary... Sincerely, Anna

Sometimes I get jealous of other people. Is that the right word?  Sometimes I envy those who have “more” than me,  are more “successful” than me.  Wait, what does “successful” even mean.  Even though I am 20 years old,  my jealousy for others is still there.  I wonder what it feels like to have a large group of friends,  a group of people that actually want you around.  Like… they want to invite you places.  What is it like to have so much praise on social media that you don’t have to turn the likes and comments off on posts? What is it like to have people text you first?  Sometimes I get jealous of other people.  I wonder what it is like to be the receiver rather than giver.  Be validated and complimented.  I thought the jealousy feeling would go away. I thought it would go away when I “grew up.”  Society says you’re “grown up” when you’re not a teenager anymore,  but society says a lot of things.  Society ...

Running is my first love,  my first heartbreak.  Running has helped me become the person I am today,  at least in my opinion.  This sport has allowed me to fight battles  some people could never imagine.  Running has built me up  then pushed me down.  I used to consider it a bully.  I used to be afraid of it if I am being honest.  However, it was not until I was eighteen  that I realized that running is my best friend.  It was not until eighteen that I realized that running  does not have to be my worst enemy.  It was not until I was eighteen that our relationship began again.  I like to say I run for myself. I like to say I run because it makes me feel alive.  It makes me remember that I have a community,  I have somewhere where I belong.  I prefer to tell others that I run because it makes me feel vibrant and grateful.  Grateful for the ability to move my body, breathe in and out, and simpl...

I love giving little compliments.  Whenever I think of something nice about someone,  I always make an effort to tell them.  Ever since I was in middle school, I have done this.  I used to not be sure why,  but almost recently, I think I have realized.  I simply love making people smile.  I love seeing their face light up when I compliment them.  Making someone feel good is one of my favorite things to do. Complimenting someone’s personality, laugh, and creativity is far more superior than complimenting someone’s appearance in my opinion.  Letting someone know how much they mean to you is so very special.  Even when I walk past someone or meet someone for the first time,  I love to compliment them.  I feel everyone deserves to hear something nice.  I feel everyone deserves a little compliment.

Dear Diary, When I was 6 years old, I always wondered what was at the end of the rainbow. I wondered about the pot of gold, four-leaf clovers, and little leprechaun friend with a big smile and happy laugh that lay at the end. I always wanted to run towards it at full speed with nothing stopping me. I’d run to the window after a rain storm looking for it with a big smile, and even if it weren’t there, I’d look again the next time. When I turned 10, I mostly did the same. I’d draw my rainbow on all my papers with pretty sunflowers, cardinal birds, and blue jays. Although, this was when people started to tell me that rainbows don’t always come after the storm. Their comments never really left me, and when I started to grow, my perspective seemed to change.  When I turned fourteen, I stopped going to my window sill to look for these rainbows. My inner thoughts started to tell me “There’s no point.” When I went to draw my pictures on my paper, I started to draw a grass field with trees,...

I love words because they are so powerful.  They help me express how I truly feel.  Words help people connect and understand each other,  and that is just beautiful.  Writing is a form of art I sometimes think people take for granted.  I love writing to people as a form of showing my love, little pieces of writing that I hope make them smile. I find it fascinating that the letters of the alphabet are capable of doing this thing.  I find it fascinating because something so simple can be so heartwarming.

Dear Diary, I love getting to know people.  I love getting to know people and their true selves,  the version they are when they are truly comfortable.  I love noticing individuals’ little traits, like the way they twirl their hair  or the way they laugh when they really, really think something is funny.  It is special when someone opens up to you,  it shows that the individual notices you care.  I love building bonds with others, even if I know the relationship is just temporary.  I love learning about people and why they act the way they do.  Getting to know different types of people is one of my favorite things to do.  If you are reading this,  I hope to one day meet you.  Sincerely,  Anna